Adoption journey

Home study is on Sunday! We will have a baby sometime in the next 2-9 months!!! Ahh!!

Where do we go now?

Hey girls! I so appreciate all of your prayers and sweet comments. I've had a rough few months. I think we've decided we are completely done with fertility treatments. We just can't do it any longer. If it's God's will, we will get pregnant. This decision has been a long time coming and we've put a lot of thought and prayer into it. Obviously, God's plan for our family was different than our plan. So, I'm desperately trying to understand what his plan IS for us.

My Christian counselor has given me a lot of good insight lately. Right now, we are discussing our options for adoption. We've barely done any research yet, but I am excited about this idea. My husband is so supportive and very open to this idea. Maybe this is what God has had planned for us all along.

I know we could use some prayers for direction. Prayers to clearly hear what God's will is in our lives. I'll keep you updated : )

Okay

Beta was negative

2 days from beta

My beta is on Wednesday. They'll do a blood test to see if I'm pregnant. I already know the answer to that question and I've cried all day. My pregnancy test was negative this morning. I don't understand. I feel completely lost and like I don't know what the purpose of my life is. I've wanted to be a mom my entire life. That has always been my dream. And I feel like its going to stay that way. I've lost hope and even lost faith. I don't know why God has put this desire in my heart and not allowed it to manifest. I'm confused and angry. Right now, I've been praying for direction. God, please just tell me what to do. I don't know where to go from here.

Embryo transfer day!!

Today was the big day! I was a little nervous all day. I still didn't know if we were transferring one or two. I woke up this morning and did some yoga and a few chores. I've been working really hard to get the house clean and organized. My mom is here so she helped me decorate the house for Christmas. It's so warm and cozy! We went to the grocery and stocked up on healthy baby making foods. I called the office and asked how many embryos and she said we would talk about it at my appointment. I think this was the main source of my anxiety. We went to lunch at Zoe's and then I came home and meditated for a while. This really helped me to calm down. I actually listened to it in the car on the way to the doctors office. My mom came with us. I saw the nurse that helped with my retrieval and apologized for being such a mess. She said it happens all the time! We went back to our room and waited for the embryologist. I was feeling really happy and hopeful! The doctor came in and she showed us the picture of our embryos. She said these were the two we would transfer. We didn't even discuss it :) I was really relieved. She said they were really good quality. Meet our embabies, 5bc and 3bb... 

I can't believe these are ours! A little bit of each of us, so amazing! The doctor came in and did a regular ultrasound (first ever!) to find my uterus. Then the embryologist left to get the embryos loaded into the catheter and in they went! I laid there for a long time. My husband told me he thought he saw the embryos on the ultrasound. I asked him what they looked like and he said white light. I was disappointed that I missed it. We watched Louie ck on our phones to pass the time. We read that women who watched something funny after transfer had higher success rates so we thought it couldn't hurt. It was so freaking cold in there I was dying to go home. We were only supposed to lay there 30 minutes but it ended up being almost an hour. I made my very passive husband go find the nurse. He was so awkward about it haha. I'm feeling so hopeful and excited that this will be our baby or two. Praying they grow into healthy babies. I love them already. Our first family photo :)

Day 3

We have 6 embryos that have good grades and good numbers. They are at 7-10 cells each. There are 4 more that are a little slower but still dividing at 4-5 cells each. So amazing and very grateful for these numbers! We go back on Monday at 3:00 for our transfer and then I'll be pregnant! Hopefully for about 9 more months :)

Fertilization report

The embryologist called me this morning and said 22 eggs were retrieved and 11 of them fertilized!! I'm so very grateful for this number! We will do a 5 day transfer on Monday :) I'm praying the embryos continue to divide and a few of them grow into beautiful babies.