Monday, 29 October 2012

an unwanted change of plans.

I'm so upset. Beyond upset. I don't even know what to write. Last week, I got my period at around lunch time. I was sad that I wasn't pregnant and really disappointed. Right after, when I went to get my purse, I saw a text from my husband saying his company was sold and there was a 60% chance of him being laid off. I had parent conferences and didn't get home until around 8 that night. He explained to me that he will know for sure by february if he's laid off or not.  I know that being laid off isn't the end of the world. We have enough savings to get by for a long time and he would get a few months pay if he was laid off. He told me the only problem is starting a family. He doesn't feel comfortable with ttc if he is laid off work. I understand his point of view, but I'm so upset. I haven't felt like this before. I'm not used to not being in control. Not being able to plan things out.

hopefully he will know something before february. I can't stand the thought of maybe having to wait 4 months to even try. At that point, it would be early spring. Being a teacher, getting pregnant from march to july isn't the best time. So, we may end up having to wait until next summer. Next summer?!?!  Then what if it takes a year to get pregnant. I'm going to go crazy!!!

I'm trying to remember a saying I saw on pinterest: worry about it or pray about it, but don't do both. I'm praying hard. I'm trying not to worry. I know something good will come of this.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

thinking happy thoughts... maybe.

So, we're almost in the middle of the third month. It's about time to start the baby dancing again. Or at least the baby dancing that could lead to a baby... hopefully! I'm trying really hard to stay positive. But I'm almost not sure if I should. Mainly because I don't want to get my hopes up.

The first month we tried really hard. I was off for the summer and completely obsessed over it. The second month, I hardly had time to think about it. This month, I'm back to trying hard again. real hard. I even started temping each morning. I figured this would help to make sure I'm ovulating, and if something is wrong, I would at least have charts as evidence. : )

I've noticed my temp is pretty low. It's been around 96.7 and 97.0 the past few days. This would be days 5-10. When I was looking at other charts, this seemed low. Most charts were about a degree higher at the beginning of their cycle. I'm hoping that it will get higher. I also bought some preseed. I really wasn't sure if we needed it. I don't seem to have issues in this area. But I figured it couldn't hurt... I like all the BFP stories on the website after the first month! Of course I'm also taking prenatal vitamins, using OPKs, and primrose oil. I have been praying like crazy. I've never prayed so hard in my life. I mainly pray for faith and patience.

I'm open for any suggestions here. really... anything. Just don't tell me I'm trying too hard. I don't want to hear just relax and let it happen. I tried that last month. I'm over that. I'm learning more towards close your eyes, jump backwards three times, while whistling... something along those lines. At least for this month. : ) I'm willing to try anything!