Monday, 24 November 2014

2 days from beta

My beta is on Wednesday. They'll do a blood test to see if I'm pregnant. I already know the answer to that question and I've cried all day. My pregnancy test was negative this morning. I don't understand. I feel completely lost and like I don't know what the purpose of my life is. I've wanted to be a mom my entire life. That has always been my dream. And I feel like its going to stay that way. I've lost hope and even lost faith. I don't know why God has put this desire in my heart and not allowed it to manifest. I'm confused and angry. Right now, I've been praying for direction. God, please just tell me what to do. I don't know where to go from here.

Monday, 17 November 2014

Embryo transfer day!!

Today was the big day! I was a little nervous all day. I still didn't know if we were transferring one or two. I woke up this morning and did some yoga and a few chores. I've been working really hard to get the house clean and organized. My mom is here so she helped me decorate the house for Christmas. It's so warm and cozy! We went to the grocery and stocked up on healthy baby making foods. I called the office and asked how many embryos and she said we would talk about it at my appointment. I think this was the main source of my anxiety. We went to lunch at Zoe's and then I came home and meditated for a while. This really helped me to calm down. I actually listened to it in the car on the way to the doctors office. My mom came with us. I saw the nurse that helped with my retrieval and apologized for being such a mess. She said it happens all the time! We went back to our room and waited for the embryologist. I was feeling really happy and hopeful! The doctor came in and she showed us the picture of our embryos. She said these were the two we would transfer. We didn't even discuss it :) I was really relieved. She said they were really good quality. Meet our embabies, 5bc and 3bb... 
I can't believe these are ours! A little bit of each of us, so amazing! The doctor came in and did a regular ultrasound (first ever!) to find my uterus. Then the embryologist left to get the embryos loaded into the catheter and in they went! I laid there for a long time. My husband told me he thought he saw the embryos on the ultrasound. I asked him what they looked like and he said white light. I was disappointed that I missed it. We watched Louie ck on our phones to pass the time. We read that women who watched something funny after transfer had higher success rates so we thought it couldn't hurt. It was so freaking cold in there I was dying to go home. We were only supposed to lay there 30 minutes but it ended up being almost an hour. I made my very passive husband go find the nurse. He was so awkward about it haha. I'm feeling so hopeful and excited that this will be our baby or two. Praying they grow into healthy babies. I love them already. Our first family photo :)

Saturday, 15 November 2014

Day 3

We have 6 embryos that have good grades and good numbers. They are at 7-10 cells each. There are 4 more that are a little slower but still dividing at 4-5 cells each. So amazing and very grateful for these numbers! We go back on Monday at 3:00 for our transfer and then I'll be pregnant! Hopefully for about 9 more months :)

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Fertilization report

The embryologist called me this morning and said 22 eggs were retrieved and 11 of them fertilized!! I'm so very grateful for this number! We will do a 5 day transfer on Monday :) I'm praying the embryos continue to divide and a few of them grow into beautiful babies. 

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Retrieval is done!

I'm so happy it's over with!! I was surprised at how well I slept last night. Usually when I'm nervous, I don't sleep well. Last night, I had a mild meltdown when I had to do the enema. My husband whipped that thing out of the box and I thought I was going to die. I'm pretty sure it should have been for a large mammal. But I got over it eventually and it all went fine.

This morning was I a little more nervous and feeling bad. I was just ready to get there and get things started. Of course my husband is all cool and collected and says he isn't nervous at all. I read from my daily devotional and found some peace. We headed over at around 8:20 and got there before 9. We didn't have to wait long at all. They took me back to get my vitals and then called for my husband to do his sample. I thought he would come right back so I didn't really tell him bye. Then my nurse took me to the recovery room and I changed into a gown and cap. It was so cold in there. I was going to be the second retrieval of the day, so I could hear them prepping the girl next to me. This just made me more nervous. I talked with the doctor for a minute and the anesthesiologist. Everyone was very nice. I asked the anesthesiologist if my husband could come back and they said he couldn't. : ( they had changed the protocol. So I sat in the room by myself for about 30 minutes waiting for them to finish up the first girl. I heard her come back and they said something about her needing a stitch and I got scared.   I was getting a little upset being alone and started crying. I brought my devotional and continued to read until it was my time. They took me into the retrieval room, and I laid down on this big table. I remember looking up at this weird painting of a lady nursing her baby in beautiful robes. (kinda strange). We were all kinda talking about the painting and the nurse said the woman only had 3 fingers and not to worry, I would wake up with all my fingers intact. haha I talked with my anesthesiologist for a little while. He was starting the IV and i started crying again. I wasn't really sure why. I told him it didn't hurt and I was just nervous. The doctor came in and told me he liked my socks... Then things started spinning and that's all I remember. I woke up back in the recovery room and started crying again. I don't know why. I was in some pain... like how I felt when I miscarried. The doctor peeked his head in and told me I did great and they got 19 eggs. I ate my crackers and gatorade and they took my vitals again. Then the nurse walked me out front to meet my husband.

My husband asked how it went and I said okay. I still felt really sad and weepy. I told him I was crying a lot and he said the doctors came and talked to him. The doctors said it took them a long time to get me knocked out because I was crying uncontrollably and very emotional. They said I let all of my stress out right there on the table and that I should maybe find a way to relax or get some anxiety meds. : ( really embarrassing. I'm not sure what my problem was. But I mean I am completely pumped up on tons of meds, was a nervous wreck, hurting and all alone. He told him they got 18 eggs maybe more. So I'm not sure if it's 18 or 19 really.

I think I've tried so hard to not let any of this get to me. Pretending like it's not happening so I don't freak myself out. My subconscious must have needed to release the fear once I was under. Really weird. After about an hour I felt a lot better. The cramping has mostly gone away but it still hurts to get up and move around.

My husband's numbers were 38 million and 38% fast motility which is all considered above average. : ) yay!!!

The nurses will call me tomorrow and let me know how many fertilized! I can't wait! Thank you everyone for the prayers and sweet comments! Keep them coming : )

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

retrieval is tomorrow!!

Monday we went to the doctor for another sonogram. My follicles had matured quite a bit. I can't remember the sizes. I think most were 15-18 and he measured about 20 of them. This time we met with the head doctor of the practice he was so, so kind and caring. He came in and said he was very hopeful this would work for us and asked us how many kids we wanted. (I liked that : )  ). When he did the sonogram he was way more gentle and I really appreciated that. I was scared all morning of how much it hurt last time and this time it was okay. He said my lining was textbook. It had 3 rings and that was what is ideal. (no idea what that means) Then he said I should be an egg donor because of how many follicles I had. It's nice to hear these things. But discouraging that we still don't know what's wrong.

He talked to us about how a lot of couples end up doing IVF for the first baby and then the other babies come naturally. The pregnancy opens up the channels in your body and figures out what to do. Sounds good to me haha

The confusing part was when he said I should only transfer one embryo instead of two. He said a twin pregnancy could intensify the symptoms of over stimulation (OHSS) due to great levels of hormones and my ovaries would be too swollen for twins and cause a really uncomfortable pregnancy. I told him I was most scared of over stimulation and he said he thought I would be fine. Last week they said I would get a lupron trigger instead of the hcg trigger because it lowers the risk of OHSS. But at the appointment he said I would be fine with the hcg trigger. I talked to him a little while longer about the triggers and then he changed his mind. He decided to do the lupron just to be safe.

I was so glad to do the lupron instead, but really disappointed about transferring only one. I would be so happy with a singleton pregnancy of course, I just want to increase my chances of it working the first time. I really don't want to have to go through this again or a frozen transfer.

I emailed my nurse and asked her if I could transfer 2 now that we've changed to a lupron trigger and she said we'd wait and see.

So I triggered last night at 11 pm and today at 11 am. Nothing like doing a shot real quick in the bathroom at school. That was my lost shot and I was so happy about it! I got a little teary eyed! The directions for the next few days are really overwhelming. So. much. to. remember.

Between the blood draws, exact timing of injections, when to take the 8 different medications over the next 2 weeks, and directions for the retrieval... I'm stressed. (also exhausted, nervous, swollen, excited, grateful, swollen... did i mention swollen and sore. I can hardly move.

Tomorrow morning we head over at around 8:30. I'm so nervous. Be back to let yall know how it goes : )

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Day 8 of stims

IVF meds are no joke. I am so swollen and sore, but I'm doing okay. I go between being really excited and thankful to crying for no reason. I was trying to put clean sheets on the bed this morning and starting crying when the blanket wasn't straight. On Friday, I cried three times before I got to work. How crazy is that? I'm on an emotional roller coaster. It's very weird to not be in control of your emotions.

I went to my first sonogram on Wednesday. I had 9 measureable follicles on the right and 3 on the left. I was a little bummed about this. My doctor said I had at least 10 more that were just a little too small to measure that day. I tried to stay optimistic but wasn't so sure. I was hoping for more than that. He increased my dose from 175 to 200 to try and get the left side to kick in. And he also instructed me to start the ganirelix injection to keep my body from ovulating on its own.

Today will be day 8 of stims and I had an appointment this morning. At the sonogram, I couldn't believe how many follicles there were this time!!! It was so exciting! I My doctor kept saying "this is gorgeous" haha he seemed really excited. I had about 12 on each side that he measured! I will say that the sonogram hurt like hell. My ovaries are just so swollen I felt like he was stabbing me. Hopefully, we will have close to 20 or so follicles at retrieval. My nurse called and my blood work came back just fine and to keep my dose at 200 tonight and back to `175 tomorrow.

The shots are going really well... no bruises and it doesn't really hurt. My stomach is a little sore from so many injections though. Mainly, I feel like I'm about 4 months pregnant. My stomach is so swollen and I just don't feel like myself. I've been wearing my sister's maternity pants because mine are just too tight. how embarrassing is that? It hurts you guys. I'm so ready for this week to be over with.

I can't believe we will find out if this works in just 3 weeks!!! ahhh! : ) grow babies, grow!

Monday, 3 November 2014

Day 3

This morning I started feeling the pinching ovulation cramps. I couldn't believe it is already happening! I mean, I've only done 2 days of injections. But there is definitely something going on in there! I just knew my nurse would call and lower my dose. So I  had blood work done today. I talked to my nurse about it and she said I'm just one of the unlucky ones who feels it early on and it means I have a bunch of follicles growing and to expect it to get much worse. My estrogen level was 123 and she said that was perfect and to keep my dose the same for the next 2 days. I couldn't believe that! Anyways, I go back Wednesday for our sonogram to check the number of follicles!! So so excited. Hoping we get good news : )

Saturday, 1 November 2014

I can't believe this is happening!

After almost 2 and a half years, we are starting our first ivf today! I can't believe it's here and we made it. This really has been the worst 2 years of my life. I'm so so ready to put this behind me and move on! My cyst was completely gone on Wednesday. I stopped birth control and my estrogen was down to 49 on Friday!!! So we are good to go! I'll be taking 175 ius of follistim tonight and tomorrow night. I have another appointment on Monday to check my hormone levels. I can't wait to find out how many follicles we have. This doesn't even seem real to me :)

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Some good news!

Gosh I was so nervous about my appointment today. I had read about girls that took months for their cysts to go away. All day Monday and Tuesday I was feeling all sorts of weird things in my ovaries, almost to the point where I wanted to call the nurse. But today I felt nothing. 

At my sonogram today the cyst was completely gone!! This made me so, so happy! My doctor seemed really surprised. So now all that I need is for my estrogen level to drop a little lower. It went from almost 600 to now 156. I think they need it under 100 or maybe it's under 50. I can't remember. but I go back on Friday for another blood draw. If it's lower, I'll start my injections Saturday!! yay yay yay!! I'm feeling really good about it now that the cyst is gone. I know my estrogen levels will eventually fall down even if it's not by Friday. It will probably be really soon. I mean it dropped so fast in just one week. 

So Friday is blood work and my nurse will teaching me how to administer the follistim injection. Praying that we'll be ready to go on Saturday : ) if so, I'll do shots the next two weeks, egg retrieval is around November 13th, transfer is around the 19th and pregnancy test around Thansgiving day. Don't even get me started on that... oh how thankful would I be.

Thursday, 23 October 2014

a little set back

All the IVF books I read said to expect the unexpected. I read it. But didn't really take it to heart. Most of our cycles have always went fairly smoothly, but yesterday we got some bad news. I went in for my sonogram and blood work to check for cysts and make sure my estrogen levels were low enough. Well, there is a huge cyst on my right ovary : ( I was supposed to start my stims (injections) on Saturday. My nurse said she would call me with my blood work the following day. So, today she called and my estrogen level was 598. They wanted it to be under 50! I'm not sure if I really understand all of it, but maybe the cyst is causing my hormones to rise. She said that I need to take my birth control pills for another week, come in on Wednesday, check the cyst and do blood work again. If my estrogen is low enough, they will drain it and I can start injections next Saturday. if not I'll need to continue birth control for longer. : ( I'm pretty bummed that everything is getting delayed. I really wanted all of this done before Thanksgiving. I'm just praying that next week, everything works out somehow so we can get this show on the road.

Here's to more waiting!

Sunday, 12 October 2014

My trial transfer

On Thursday, we went in for our trial transfer. I paid my $6000 (ouch) At this appointment, they practice inserting the catheter into the uterus for the embryo transfer. I think it's just to make sure the cervix is easy to bypass and lets the doctors have a practice run. Mine went really smoothly. It took probably 2 minutes and my doctor said the transfer would be no problem.

After that, we met with our nurse for our teaching session. Can I just say that I loved her. Like really, really loved her. This is super important and I'm so glad she's mine! She was bubbly, positive, and really reassuring. She gave me her personal email address and phone number... how nice is that?  I love her already. She went over everything with us including our calendar and medicine protocol.

It looks like I'll be starting my injections on the 25th of this month. I'll be taking follistim for 5 days. This causes lots of eggs to grow. Then I'll start doing 2 injections each night, follistim and ganirelix. Ganirelix prevents the eggs from ovulating too soon. I'll continue both of these injections for about another 5-7 days. Then, once the eggs are mature, I'll take my trigger shot and my retrieval will be scheduled for 36 hours later.

My nurse answered all the questions I had. Like, I won't have to take those awful PIO injections that leave knots and nerve damage. you guys have no idea how happy this made me! What a relief! I also won't be starting any injections for another two weeks. This works out perfectly because we planned on going on a trip next weekend. I was so worried about having to cancel or fly with meds. So the trip is on! We're going to Kansas City for the Ryan Adams concert. By far our favorite artist ever. We've been dreaming of going for years. Also, the nurse said I could do afternoon/evening appointments!! So that means no missing school or busting my butt to get to my appointments and back in my 45 minute planning period. After the meeting, I felt like everything I was worried about was completely worked out. No painful injections, concert is on, and juggling school is no problem. What a blessing!

Right now I'm just waiting on the pharmacy to call me back for a quote on the meds. I'm also checking to see if anything is covered on my insurance. On Blue Cross Blue Shield, my Gonal-F was almost completely covered which saved us about $900 each month. Of course, my district switched insurance carries so I think we will end up paying out of pocket. But we will see.

I can't believe in about two weeks I'll start injections! I've never been so excited about shots in my life : )

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Step 1 is done!

The first step in our IVF process has begun! My cycle started on Thursday. Then on Saturday, we had a sono... it was super fast. He took pictures of what things should look like normally. This visit, we met with Dr. Escobar and he was very nice. That night, I was supposed to start birth control. We dropped off the prescription at walgreens. Later, I asked my husband to check on when the pharmacy closed. He said 10:00. We went to dinner and then stopped by to pick them up, and they were closed! I tried not to panic... went home and started calling all the walgreens nearby. Thank goodness we live in Dallas! I found one that was open late, so we transferred the prescription and picked it up.  Whew! I was like... I know I'm not messing this up already haha.  It's been almost 3 years since I've taken birth control... feels so weird to start them again.

I also ordered some fertility yoga dvd's and an organizer for all the ivf meds. I'll post pictures of that later once we get our shipment.

Right now, I'm trying to change my way of thinking. I've had the mind set of this is never going to work for us, something is wrong with me, I'm not meant to be a mom thoughts for too long now. I'm trying to change those to this could actually work for us, I could be pregnant really soon, we will have actual embryos that are from us! so amazing.

Did I tell yall I started acupuncture? well I did! and I'm going twice a week. It makes me feel so calm and relaxed. I'm also eating avocados like their chocolate. I'm hoping that the yoga, acupuncture, and diet help me feel better about the whole process.

I go back on Thursday for a trial transfer and injection teaching class. Ill post about that next time : )

Here's a picture of my baby now... 

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Ready or not...

Hey guys! Just a little update. CD 1 is today, so that means we're on our way! (not sure if I want an ! or a . after that sentence haha) my first appointment is saturday morning.... first sonogram and birth control should start soon. I'll let yall know how it goes : )

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Here we come, IVF!

Yep, we're moving on. On to bigger and better things. I'm excited and absolutely terrified. My stomach starts hurting just thinking about it.

After over 2 years, 1 miscarriage, 9 medicated cycles, 3 IUI's, 1 canceled IUI, and 4 months of injections, we're on our way! I can't believe all the heartache and stress that has come with this journey. I'm praying it has a happy ending very soon.

We are switching doctors for the IVF. My doctor was about $4,000 more expensive than the one we're going to now. The new RE's success rates are just as high. At our IVF consult on Wednesday, the doctor gave us a 60+% chance of success with the first transfer. That's pretty exciting!

He went over all of our testing and history and agreed that there was nothing wrong.... so we're still unexplained. I will start the cycle in about 3 weeks, which is the beginning of October where I'll take birth control pills and lupron injections for about 3 weeks. Then, I'll move on to about 2 weeks of follicle stimulating hormone injections (FSH) like gonal-f. Retrieval should be the first week of November and transfer about 5 days after that.

I think we've decided to transfer two embryos, if we have two to choose from. I'm praying for plenty of embryos that fertilize beautifully. I get so excited of the thought of having embryos to freeze that will be waiting for us!! This is so scary, and new, and exciting. I'll keep you guys updated : )

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

IUI #3 cancelled

It was devastating. At my appointment, they said my IUI would be tomorrow. I texted my husband got it all scheduled and then the nurse says she wanted to check on one more thing. Before I knew it, the whole cycle was canceled. I had fluid in my uterus (a symptom of gonal f) and we were unable to proceed with the IUI. So, we paid 1500 dollars and left the office with no chance of anything working. I was really upset. I had spent that entire week doing injections that brought me to tears for no reason at all. not to mention the wasted money. So, we are going to give it one last shot. Hopefully, my IUI will be in three weeks if things go well. Then, it's on to IVF. our last shot. freaking out.

Saturday, 12 July 2014

iui #3

My test was negative. I'm so sorry i didnt update! I completely forgot. We decided to do another iui. probably our last one. My husband said we could move on to ivf this fall if it doesnt work. i am freaking out guys. we are getting so so close to doing something that might actually work! I'm terrified of it failing, of finding out whats wrong, of not getting very many embryos to freeze, of having too many to freeze and not knowing what to do with them, of miscarrying again... i could go on and on. i cant even think about it because it gives me such anxiety. i just feel like this will be our last chance. we wont be able to afford this again probably for a long time. if it fails, i dont know what I'll do with myself. for now, im trying to think positively that we may not even have to do it. please pray this iui will work! i started my injections on our 5th anniversary. i told my husband, we would have never believed this would be our future. but it is. and I'm so ready to feel like my old self again. happy.

Thursday, 26 June 2014

Our second IUI

So glad it's over. I was tired of blood draws and shots. It went okay, I guess. Not great. My husband gave his sample, we left for a really awkward breakfast. He said he didn't think it went well. I thought it was him just being insecure, but he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. He was in the worst mood. We got back to the clinic and the nurse said there wasn't a whole lot of sperm and asked if he would give another sample. Oh my gosh! Are you kidding me?!? I couldn't believe it. My husband left again and,  I sat there trying not to cry and the nurse came back and said there were sperm... they just wanted more. I knew my husband was probably so embarrased and angry. He came back out again and didn't say much. The nurse called us back and said when they put the two samples together, it looked "good." I'm hoping she wasn't just being nice and was telling the truth. But it can't be good if he had to it again. The head nurse did my IUI. She also said the sample looked good. I asked for the count, but she said they don't do a count. This made me really frustrated.... I've never heard of that before. The first thing I asked when the nurse came in for the procedure was "are you going to use the tennaculum?" She said no! Which was a big relief. I mostly just felt uncomfortable and had cramping. Afterwards, I went home to rest. I go tomorrow for an extra dose of hcg and I start progesterone tomorrow as well. I will be able to test July 8th. Our 5th wedding anniversary is the 11th. Praying for good news, but I'm not very hopeful. I think we will probably do 1 or 2 more IUI's before we move on to IVF. : / Yikes! Just saying that makes my stomach hurt.

Monday, 23 June 2014

IUI #2 is tomorrow!

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I have two follicles on the left that are mature and nothing on the right : ( a little disappointed with that. On clomid, I always had two follicles. I figured on gonal f I would have more. But two is still good, I guess.

The nurse asked me if I was excited. I told her not really... I said I try not to think about it and don't want to get my hopes up. Last time we did an iui with clomid I was really excited. This time I'm not. I think it's because I've had my hopes dashed so many times now. I'm also really scared of that tenneculum (sp?) thing. Ouch!! I hope they don't have to use that tomorrow. If my cervix isn't open, they will need to pinch my cervix, which causes the uterus to contract and it hurts like a mother!!! I'm also worried about my husband's levels. It will only be a day and a half of abstinance which isn't very good at all. But we followed the doctor's orders.

I'm planning on resting all day tomorrow after, so I'll update and let you know how it goes. Prayers are greatly appreciated! <3

Monday, 16 June 2014


Last week, a big box came that said refrigerate immediately! I opened it up and felt really intimidated. There was a sharps container and needles and meds, oh my! The gonal f comes in a preloaded pen, like an epi pen, so all you have to do it twist it to the right dose and put a needle on the end. It is really easy to administer. I was at my parents' house this weekend when I needed to take the first injection. My younger sister was there and said she would help me because my husband didn't come. My sister use to give herself shots in her stomach for some weird diet, so I felt a little better about it. She kept saying, "I'm a nurse, I'm just not registered." It was cracking me up! Anyways, I did freak out a little bit looking at that needle, so I told her to do it fast. I didn't feel it at all!! So then the next night, I was back home and told my husband what to do. For some reason, I freaked out again with him holding that needle pointing at me. So I did it myself while he counted. Whew! I'm so glad I can give them on my own! I feel really proud of myself! It helps that it doesn't hurt. So bring it on infertility!!! you don't scare me.

Tomorrow is my appointment to count the follies and see how many there are. Please pray there aren't too many! We will have to cancel the whole things if there are too many : /

Wednesday, 11 June 2014


My test was negative yesterday. I already knew it would be, and I'm getting kinda used to seeing the negatives every month. My husband was really bummed though. He said he felt really sad all day.

I called my doctor after the test and told him that we wanted to move forward with injections and iui. So, today's appointment was a sonogram to check lining and cysts. Everything was normal. I had blood work (also normal) and got some tutorials on the gonal-f. I'll be giving shots in my stomach every day for 5 days I think. I'm supposed to call on day 1 and we'll go from there.

The injections cost 800 dollars yall! I couldn't believe that. BUT my insurance is going to cover them so it will only be 80! Praise God. I'll let you guys know how it goes : )

Thursday, 29 May 2014

Cycle #22. (good grief)

22... I can't believe that. But then, I can totally believe it because I can't even remember not trying to get pregnant anymore. Worst part is it seems to consume your life.

I've been going to an infertility doctor in Dallas. I said last time that he diagnosed me with PCOS. This is our second medicated cycle with an RE. Last month, the doctor messed up and told me to start clomid on day 2. I thought it was weird but wrote it down and even double checked with him. Then a few days later, the nurse said that was wrong and it should have been day 3. Starting one day early produced lots of little follicles and only one mature. I was pretty upset because that wouldn't help our chances much. But I put it in my heart that one or two of the smaller ones would catch up. Of course, they didn't and that cycle was BFN. And just like in my other cycles where I triggered (injection to release follicles that causes false positive pregnancy tests) my test was positive until my period arrived which made me think I was pregnant and have false hope  :( hate that so much. I also took progesterone pills during my tww. They. I was throwing up a lot and sick to my stomach for over two weeks. At the end of the cycle, the nurse said my lining was super thick which is also good.

This month, I started clomid on day 3. : ) I went on Tuesday and I had 2 very large follicles measuring 26 each on my left side. Last time they were on my right, so at least I know both sides work. Can I just say, my left ovary was KILLING me. I mean my gosh it hurt... feels like I'm smuggling easter eggs in there. Today, the cramping stopped though. I test on June 10th. Come on June 10th!! Hopefully, with the end of school, I'll be busy enough to keep my mind off of it. If this cycle fails, we will move on to injectables and IUI. Please pray we don't have to do that. I'm not sure about giving myself shots : /

Sunday, 4 May 2014


Yep. After almost 2 years my infertility doctor diagnosed me. He said its a very mild case though. This month I did 100 mg of clomid and a trigger shot. Tonight I start progesterone pills. I will be testing may 14. I could really use some prayers for staying hopeful and not stressing out. I am trying really hard to focus on my faith in God and trying to relax. 

We are going to do 2 rounds like this and then move on to injectables and iui. Glad we have a plan. Sorry I haven't posted in so long, there just wasn't much to post about :)

Thursday, 23 January 2014

a year ago

i cant believe a year ago, i was pregnant. how has it already been a year? it feels just like yesterday, but then sometimes it feels like so long ago. it still stings and tears still come. the only thing that will heal my heart is a positive test. ive been praying for that for so many months now.