Saturday, 27 April 2013

Focusing on all that is good

I know I've been gone a while, but our internet was down for about a month. I'm glad to be back and catching up on all of you guys! I appreciate all of your comments and support more than you know. Hearing everyone else's stories, from your comments, make me feel like I'm not alone.

Well, this is our second month of TTC after miscarriage. The first time didn't work out. We will see what happens in about another week. I was so sure last month I was pregnant. And it about broke my heart all over again. I'm trying really hard to keep busy by working out and starting back on the paleo diet. I've also been reading a lot of christian based books on miscarriage and having faith through hard times. Maybe I'll do a book review this summer. Summer?!? (I can hardly wait!!)

We got back from Cabo in Mexico last week, and it was such a nice vacation. I was the happiest girl in the world being away from school and having some down time with my husband. I know it's been two months since we lost our baby, but I'm still heart broken. Some weeks I feel like I'm really doing well and things are looking up. Then, for no reason, it all comes back, and it's like I can't believe what happened. Almost like it was just a dream.

When I get upset, I have to think about all the good things that have come of this. It has taken me a while to understand, but God can take evil and make good come from it.

  • I have become much more sensitive. As in, my heart understands other people's grief and pain more than I've ever been able to understand before. 
  • My marriage is stronger and closer. I'm so thankful for my best friend.
  • I know that I can get pregnant. I'm trying to have faith that I will get pregnant again. I was worried about this!
  • I understand how precious life is. It is a gift that can be taken at any time. This has put so many things into perspective for me. I know when I do finally hold our baby, I will appreciate him or her even more. 
  • Most importantly, this trial has made me rely on God more than ever before. I know he will make me a mom. I know he has great plans for our family.

"He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the Lord!" -Psalm 113.9