Wednesday, 30 January 2013

5 Week Update

I've decided to do my weekly updates at the end of each week. I'm not sure if this is what other girls do, but I want the updates to be a review of the week. So, I'll actually be 6 weeks tomorrow, but I'm posting at the end of the 5th week.

How Far Along? 5 weeks

How Big is Baby? About the size of a sesame seed : )

Total Weight Gain: the same

Maternity Clothes? no. I did accidentally buy a maternity shirt at Gap a few years ago. So, I still have that. My friend also gave me a shirt this week. I can't wait to go shopping!

Stretch Marks? no. I'm using the oil every night. My family is very prone to stretch marks, so I know it's inevitable.

Sleep: Not so good. I'm still waking up a lot. a whole lot. I usually use the bathroom about twice in the night, and I've been waking up so hungry! It's hard to fall back asleep with a growing stomach. This is very new for me. I've never had problems sleeping. Also, the past two days I've gotten a cold. My throat is sore, so that doesn't help much.

Best Moment of this Week: Telling our best couple friends and telling my best friend that I grew up with. I also bought a set of newborn gowns. They are so sweet!

Miss Anything: Cold medicine?

Movement: I can't wait!

Food Cravings: I'm not having cravings or nausea.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Not really. Some things do smell a little bad. I was driving to work this morning and could smell the soup in my lunchbox on the seat next to me. How weird! I'm glad I'm not sick, but it also sort of worries me. The book I have said nausea can mean a stronger pregnancy. I know I shouldn't worry, but of course I do.

Labor Signs: nope

Symptoms: Still have the breast tenderness. It's gotten much worse this week. It's hard for me to get comfortable at night. I've been pretty tired too and the hunger comes and goes.

Belly Button in or out: in

Happy or Moody most of the time? Happy! I've been more moody at work. I have less patience for my kids.

Looking Forward to: Our doctor appointment. I feel worried, because I don't feel pregnant. I think it's just been a while since I found out now, and the adrenaline is wearing off. I need someone else to tell me that everything looks good. When my symptoms go away, I get scared. The good news is, I take tests every once in a while and the line keeps getting darker. : )

Were you guys already having nausea at 6 weeks?

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

4 weeks (first weekly update!!!)

I can't believe I actually get to post one of these! This is so exciting!!

How Far Along? 4 weeks

How Big is Baby? the size of a poppy seed. so tiny!

Total Weight Gain: none

Maternity Clothes? of course not

Stretch Marks? hopefully not!

Sleep: I was so excited the first 3 or 4 nights, that I didn't get much sleep. I would just lay there thinking about how amazing this was! Even last night, I woke up really early and couldn't fall back to sleep thinking about it all.

Best Moment this Week: Finding out we have a baby on the way!!! And telling our families! I also read today that the heart should start beating around the 21st day. It's incredible to think our baby already has a beating heart!

Miss Anything:  nothing at all. so happy to move on to this new chapter of our lives!

Movement: not for a while!

Food Cravings: Well the two days after we found out, I couldn't hardly eat because I was so excited! Now, I'm starving ALL the time.

Anything making you queasy or sick: nope.

Gender: I guess boy right now.

Labor Signs:  yikes.

Symptoms: I've had some cramping off and on since before my period was due. It isn't constant, but more like sharp pinches a few times a day. Towards the end of the 4th week, I think it's mostly stopped. My boobs have been really sore. I've started sleeping in a sport's bra. The size hasn't changed though. I've felt very sleep the past two days starting around 1. It's so hard to stay energetic in the classroom when you can't stop yawning! The main thing is the starvation!!!! I am hungry all the time! I'm scared I'll gain a ton of weight. I've never been so hungry!

Belly Button in or out: in

Happy or Moody most of the time? Really happy. This is the happiest I've ever felt in my life. I do get a little moody at work when the kids act up or I'm tired. I do find myself tearing up sometimes when I think about this sweet, little baby!

Looking Forward to: Our first doctor's appointment on Valentine's day! <3

Monday, 21 January 2013

telling our families!

We decided to go ahead and tell our good news to our parents and siblings. After we found out Thursday night, we went to dinner at Potbelly's and had sandwiches. We were so excited! I didn't get hardly any sleep that night. My mind was going crazy, and I felt nervous/excited. That whole day my stomach hurt from the excitement! I couldn't hardly eat anything. I wanted to burst, but I didn't tell a soul. I wanted to tell my sister first, because I knew how bad she felt having to tell me she was pregnant only 3 days earlier. After work, we drove over to their house.  I had texted her earlier and told her we were coming over to borrow a ladder. She almost caught me because it was getting dark. She said she could just bring the ladder over tomorrow morning. (we planned on meeting my mom and younger sister to shop for bridesmaids dresses the next morning.) I told her we would come over anyway. The drive to their house was sooo long. My heart was beating out of my chest. After a few minutes, told them we had some news. My sister started crying and they were so happy! My little nephew was in the room and he started cheering and shouting. (not because he understood, just because the rest of us were being so loud.) he was so cute! We are going to wait to tell my niece until the doctor's appointment.

That night, I slept a little bit better, but not much. Saturday morning, my sister and I drove 2 hours to meet my mom and other sister. We talked the whole way about pregnancy and babies. It was so fun! We met my family at McAlisters. Once we sat down, my older sister said, "man, september is going to be a busy month." I said, "yeah, with her baby coming at the beginning of september, and mine coming at the end..." my mom's mouth dropped open! She hugged me and cried. They were really surprised! Just a few days before, I had been on the phone bawling my eyes out about not being pregnant. She was thrilled!

When we went to try on dresses, it was kinda strange. I will be 8 weeks postpartum (God willing) at the wedding. So, I didn't really know what size of dress to buy. Neither did my sister. I tried my dress on with a tiny little baby bump pillow. It was strange to see myself with a little belly!

I called my dad on the phone after that, and told him I had some good news. He was so cute! he said "I'll be, 2 babies in one month! I bet your mother is tickled to death!"

That night, my husband's oldest brother and his wife were coming in town for a friend's birthday party. We drove over there to tell them. The first thing my sister-in-law asked was do you want some wine? I said sure! Then, my husband said, oh no, she can't have wine. There was a really long pause. And then they figured it out and congratulated us.

We went to bed really late that night, and I didn't sleep well again. Sunday afternoon we drove to my in-laws house. On our way, we called my husband's other brother and wife. He said, "What do you think Liam would think about having a cousin?" They were both super surprised and happy for us!

My husband said he had waited to tell his mom this for so long. He was really excited. We told them we were driving through town and were going to stop by. He lied and said I was meeting my family for wedding planning. He put the little ranger shoes in his shorts pocket. When we pulled up to their house, his mom was inside and his dad was working outside. We couldn't get them in the same place for a while. I was getting so anxious! Finally, his dad came over from working on the fence and his mom came outside. Dillon asked them if they had seen the late Christmas present I had gotten for him. They said no and he pulled the little shoes out of his pocket. There was another long pause, and then they freaked out. My mother-in-law gave me a big hug with tears in her eyes. Both of them were ecstatic! They said they thought I was pregnant at Christmas, but I wasn't yet.

It was so nice to spend the weekend with them! Late that night, his sister called us back and Dillon told her "we are pregnant. I mean Lindsey is pregnant!" haha it was cute! When I talked to her she said she knew how excited I was. She knew how I had wanted this since I was about...  5 years old : )

Before we left the next day, my sweet mother-in-law took us took a store and we bought a sweet little outfit for our baby!

After telling all of our family, I finally slept that night. After about two days, my stomach stopped hurting and now I have been sooo hungry! I still can't believe this is my life. I feel so blessed and happier than I've ever been before. I've been really emotional lately. When I think about meeting our baby, and kissing their sweet little face. My heart almost bursts. Best feeling ever.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

You're going to be a dad!

As soon as I had the digital test. I got to work, all while crying and sobbing. I knew my husband would be home soon and I wanted to surprise him. The surprise I had had planned for over a year, dreaming of this day, it was finally here! I grabbed the shoe box I had saved, threw in some tissue paper, and the gift I bought last spring (my husband loves nothing likes he loves the texas rangers), and set it all up on the dining room table.

Then,  I texted at around 6:

Me: When will you be home?
DH: 7:30
Me: Want me to meet you for dinner in Dallas?
DH: Why don't you just make some salmon?
Me: Ok. Sounds good.
DH: traffic big time. (7:15)
Me: Shoot! I just put the fish in.
DH: At least 40 minutes.
DH: Closer to an hour.
Me: sure I shouldn't meet you. I'm starving.
DH: I'm stuck. Can't meet. Grr kill me.
Me: Sorry bear.

DH: At least another 40 minutes. Maybe longer.

I was freaking out. It kept dragging on and on. I went ahead and started cooking. Then, I set up the camera to video him coming in the door. I'm sort of really embarrassed to post this. I look terrible and I cut the heads off. Plus, we have all these strange names for each other and I can't stand my voice. But here it is anyways....

Friday, 18 January 2013

The day I was hoping for!

January 17th was the best day of my life. After 6 months of trying, I felt defeated. I was concerned. Why wasn't this working for us? There had to be a problem. I cried and prayed more than I ever have. Then, this month. I threw in the towel. I decided not to focus on anything baby related. I worked out, cooked lots, and read books. I spent time with my husband and wasn't glued to the computer researching. Around New Year's, we had a few days off. This was very helpful! : ) We just hung out and slept late and enjoyed ourselves. I was happy during that 2 week wait. Unlike previous months. I had let it go. That was, until my sister came over with her pregnancy news. Then, I. Was. Devestated. I cried and cried and cried. I remember laying in the bed crying and thinking, well I think I could go ahead and test. Maybe I'm pregnant too. So of course, I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. As I watched the little line move across the screen, I saw nothing. Threw it away, and went back to my miserable moping. (What I wouldn't give to see that test now.)

I knew my period was coming. I had cramps. I was emotional. I was so tired. This was the first month, I didn't test like a crazy person. I had given up. The previous month my cycle was 27 days. Well, the 27th day came, and no period. I kept telling myself that last month was just a fluke and I'll get my period the regular 31st day. After the 27th, 28th, and 29th. I came home from work and was watching tv. I decided I would take one more test. I took the test and left it on the bathroom counter. I went back to watching tv and eventually remembered about the test. As I was walking to the bathroom, I told myself, "it's going to be negative. it's always negative." I had accepted this was not going to happen for me. Cue shock as I see 2 lines. One pretty faint but easy to see at first glance. I stared at that thing long and hard. I thought something was wrong with the test because I had never used that brand before. But my heart started to race. I grabbed the cup and ripped open another brand of tests I had.  Immediately, I see another line. A pretty good line. I still didn't trust this one because it tricked me the previous month. So I grab for the queen of all pregnancy tests. The First Response. I dipped that one and sat there staring as 2 dark lines appeared. Then, I really freaked yall. I started shaking and talking to myself. The tears were flowing. I also had a digital test. Because of course, I still wasn't sure. That box took me forever to open. I almost went mad. I dipped that test and sat there waiting. Staring at that little sand timer. I remember walking away and praying. Praying that this was really it. That I would finally be a mom. That we could have a family. Then, I walked back in and:

I've never felt anything like it. Indescribable. I dropped to my knees and thanked God.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

one step forward and two steps back.

at least I feel like that's how it's been going as I sit here in tears. I told you guys how much better this month was for me. No more temping, charting, counting days, no reading baby blogs or researching on the computer. I felt like a new woman. for real. I had my life back. I hadn't even taken a pregnancy test and AF was due in the next two days.

My older sister came over yesterday night. She said she had something to tell me and burst into tears. I knew exactly what was coming. She said she was sorry and that she was pregnant. I don't know how, but i managed to pull myself together and hug her with a smile on my face. I told her she didn't need to be sad, and that I was so happy for her. She was a nervous wreck and I felt so badly for taking her amazing news and bringing her to tears. We then went to run an errand, and I listened to her explain about her not even really trying to get pregnant, finding out at Christmas, going to her first doctor's appointment, and telling my parents. I don't remember much of the conversation, but I do remember those things. Then she dropped me off at home, and I shut the door and burst into tears. i've cried for almost two days straight now. I feel so selfish and awful for taking the news this way. I want my heart to feel the things I felt when she told me about my precious niece and nephew. I just can't find it in me. I'm so embarrassed of my tears. This is the third baby she has had on the first month trying. I know I shouldn't question God's plan. I know that. But I just don't understand.

I could use some prayers right now. Prayers for strength, patience, and an understanding heart.