Monday, 24 November 2014

2 days from beta

My beta is on Wednesday. They'll do a blood test to see if I'm pregnant. I already know the answer to that question and I've cried all day. My pregnancy test was negative this morning. I don't understand. I feel completely lost and like I don't know what the purpose of my life is. I've wanted to be a mom my entire life. That has always been my dream. And I feel like its going to stay that way. I've lost hope and even lost faith. I don't know why God has put this desire in my heart and not allowed it to manifest. I'm confused and angry. Right now, I've been praying for direction. God, please just tell me what to do. I don't know where to go from here.


  1. I'm so sorry :(
    I haven't followed your journey so not sure exactly what it's taken for you to get here but your plea tore at my heartstrings and I don't even know you so I can only imagine how much it is pulling at God's who loves you so much. I hope that doesn't sound trite. I really want to encourage you somehow. It's so frustrating and painful when we don't understand why we have to go through certain things. I hope and pray you and your husband will soon hold the baby (or babies!) you want so dearly. Love Tola

    1. That was such a sweet thing to say. I really needed to hear that. Thank you

  2. I am so so sorry to hear this... :(

    I hope that you are able to find peace and direction soon. I wish I knew something more to say to you. I wish I had words that would be more comforting :( I really am just so sorry that you are going through all of this and so wish that you would not have to be going through this.

    I will keep thinking those happy thoughts for you and praying that you get some answers.


  3. I'm so sorry. I hope that you find peace and direction. Don't lose hope...maybe your path is just supposed to be more unconventional. Hugs!

  4. It has taken me days to figure out what to say, and I'm not sure I can really express it. I feel for you so much, and I really want this for you too. Obviously it's not what we want that happens in our lives, but God's wants. But I still really want this for you, and could give you the biggest hug right now. xx