i`m still heart broken

Tomorrow will mark one month until my due date. I'm having a difficult time with this. This coming week is going to be really hard on me. My sister is having her baby this week. I'm trying so hard to be excited and happy for this baby. I just can't make myself feel it and that breaks my heart. I wanted to hold our baby so badly and instead I'll be holding hers. Please pray for strength for me when visiting her. I am happy for her but its really hard. Also, this week, school starts back. I can't help but think that instead of teaching this year, I should be staying home with our baby. I don't want to go back. Thirdly, we have our first appointment with the urologist for my husband's fertility testing. I'm really nervous about the results and feel very anxious. Our appointment is the morning my sister is being induced. How's that for timing? Miscarriage is a strange thing. For the past month I thought I was doing really well. And today, I can't seem to hold myself together. I would greatly appreciate prayers. Prayers for being content going back to school, a healthy baby for my sister, strength for me while visiting her, and a doctor's appointment that provides some hope. Whew I know that's a lot. : /

testing results are in

The semen analysis is complete and the results are back. My ob called on our way to Florida on Friday and said "the morphology was off a little bit." He suggested we see a fertility specialist. That's 'll I know. He didn't give me any numbers or anything and I didn't ask. So, he is going at the end of August. Don't know what to think or feel. Just sad.