We've been trying for 6 months. I don't even know what to think about that. Last month was really hard for me. I just knew I was pregnant. I thought I would get to tell our families at Christmas. I cried for two days. I can't keep doing this to myself. I've got to find a way to handle trying to conceive and living a happy life. This is a whole new ball game for me. I have always been happy and hopeful. I'm trying hard to get back to that place. I've cut myself off the computer almost completely. I can't read blogs or baby websites. I'm not letting it consume me anymore. I'm still going to do opks, temping, and vitamins. I'm just going to try to keep myself busy and not let this control me. I feel like it has.
I called my obgyn when I was so upset. The nurse said he would see me after trying for 3 months. So I have an appointment on Friday. I'm not sure what it's going to entail, but I'm nervous.
I've been turning to God for hope and strength. I have an app on my phone called Devotion. It sends bible verses and a message twice a day.
Today mine said, "Have you stopped daring to hope? At times, our hope in our dreams and plans on this earth to do great things diminish when we don't see a sliver of success. But don't let that stop you from believing in yourself. Remember, even though we may not see God, our hope in His love and grace is always there. Keep hoping no matter what."