update

I really appreciate all of your sweet comments from my last post. Thank you for being supportive and encouraging. We still don't have any news about my hubby's job, but after plenty of nagging  discussion, we have decided that we will continue trying to conceive! My husband actually agreed. Continuing was my plan all along of course. I prayed really hard about it, and he told me on Friday that he felt okay with trying because he knows it will work out some how.

I'm hopeful. I feel like now, I know he wants it (almost) as much as I do. That's really reassuring... coming from a husband who majored in finance and is a financially advisor, I never saw that coming. God is good.

A lot of our friends work for the same company so everyone knows about the lay off possibility. My friends have asked me if we will continue ttc and I told them no. That we were going to wait and see. That was before we had really decided to continue, so I wasn't lying. But, I've decided that anyone who asks...  I'm going to tell them we're taking a break. I just don't like people knowing. Especially if it's going to take this long. It was such a huge mistake to tell people we were trying, I wish I'd never said a word. So now, no one knows. Including my sister. And I want to keep it that way.

I'm trying not to think about it. I'm not temping this month. I'm staying off the pregnancy websites and the pregnancy and baby blogs I love. They've started to make me feel mostly sad instead of excited. I have this great fear that we won't be able to get pregnant. It's making me feel anxious.

Last night, our good friends came over with their 3 month old baby. He is so precious. I hated that it made me feel sad hearing her talk about all of it. She kept saying when you get pregnant... blah blah blah. I wanted to get up and leave. She also kept saying she felt guilty that they got pregnant on the first try. All of these things just make me upset. Then some other 21 year old girl came over that I didn't know. She has a 4 month old baby. I couldn't stand listening to them gabbing it up about babies and pregnancy. I tried to stay outside with the guys all night. It's frustrating to not even be able to talk to your friends.

This was a really long rant, if you read this far I'm very impressed. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts guys. At least I can blab to yall : )