update

I really appreciate all of your sweet comments from my last post. Thank you for being supportive and encouraging. We still don't have any news about my hubby's job, but after plenty of nagging  discussion, we have decided that we will continue trying to conceive! My husband actually agreed. Continuing was my plan all along of course. I prayed really hard about it, and he told me on Friday that he felt okay with trying because he knows it will work out some how.

I'm hopeful. I feel like now, I know he wants it (almost) as much as I do. That's really reassuring... coming from a husband who majored in finance and is a financially advisor, I never saw that coming. God is good.

A lot of our friends work for the same company so everyone knows about the lay off possibility. My friends have asked me if we will continue ttc and I told them no. That we were going to wait and see. That was before we had really decided to continue, so I wasn't lying. But, I've decided that anyone who asks...  I'm going to tell them we're taking a break. I just don't like people knowing. Especially if it's going to take this long. It was such a huge mistake to tell people we were trying, I wish I'd never said a word. So now, no one knows. Including my sister. And I want to keep it that way.

I'm trying not to think about it. I'm not temping this month. I'm staying off the pregnancy websites and the pregnancy and baby blogs I love. They've started to make me feel mostly sad instead of excited. I have this great fear that we won't be able to get pregnant. It's making me feel anxious.

Last night, our good friends came over with their 3 month old baby. He is so precious. I hated that it made me feel sad hearing her talk about all of it. She kept saying when you get pregnant... blah blah blah. I wanted to get up and leave. She also kept saying she felt guilty that they got pregnant on the first try. All of these things just make me upset. Then some other 21 year old girl came over that I didn't know. She has a 4 month old baby. I couldn't stand listening to them gabbing it up about babies and pregnancy. I tried to stay outside with the guys all night. It's frustrating to not even be able to talk to your friends.

This was a really long rant, if you read this far I'm very impressed. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts guys. At least I can blab to yall : )

an unwanted change of plans.

I'm so upset. Beyond upset. I don't even know what to write. Last week, I got my period at around lunch time. I was sad that I wasn't pregnant and really disappointed. Right after, when I went to get my purse, I saw a text from my husband saying his company was sold and there was a 60% chance of him being laid off. I had parent conferences and didn't get home until around 8 that night. He explained to me that he will know for sure by february if he's laid off or not.  I know that being laid off isn't the end of the world. We have enough savings to get by for a long time and he would get a few months pay if he was laid off. He told me the only problem is starting a family. He doesn't feel comfortable with ttc if he is laid off work. I understand his point of view, but I'm so upset. I haven't felt like this before. I'm not used to not being in control. Not being able to plan things out.

hopefully he will know something before february. I can't stand the thought of maybe having to wait 4 months to even try. At that point, it would be early spring. Being a teacher, getting pregnant from march to july isn't the best time. So, we may end up having to wait until next summer. Next summer?!?!  Then what if it takes a year to get pregnant. I'm going to go crazy!!!

I'm trying to remember a saying I saw on pinterest: worry about it or pray about it, but don't do both. I'm praying hard. I'm trying not to worry. I know something good will come of this.

thinking happy thoughts... maybe.

So, we're almost in the middle of the third month. It's about time to start the baby dancing again. Or at least the baby dancing that could lead to a baby... hopefully! I'm trying really hard to stay positive. But I'm almost not sure if I should. Mainly because I don't want to get my hopes up.

The first month we tried really hard. I was off for the summer and completely obsessed over it. The second month, I hardly had time to think about it. This month, I'm back to trying hard again. real hard. I even started temping each morning. I figured this would help to make sure I'm ovulating, and if something is wrong, I would at least have charts as evidence. : )

I've noticed my temp is pretty low. It's been around 96.7 and 97.0 the past few days. This would be days 5-10. When I was looking at other charts, this seemed low. Most charts were about a degree higher at the beginning of their cycle. I'm hoping that it will get higher. I also bought some preseed. I really wasn't sure if we needed it. I don't seem to have issues in this area. But I figured it couldn't hurt... I like all the BFP stories on the website after the first month! Of course I'm also taking prenatal vitamins, using OPKs, and primrose oil. I have been praying like crazy. I've never prayed so hard in my life. I mainly pray for faith and patience.

I'm open for any suggestions here. really... anything. Just don't tell me I'm trying too hard. I don't want to hear just relax and let it happen. I tried that last month. I'm over that. I'm learning more towards close your eyes, jump backwards three times, while whistling... something along those lines. At least for this month. : ) I'm willing to try anything!

CD 1 Month 3. : (

I can't believe I'm on to month 3. This ttc thing goes so slow and so fast. I knew since the beginning of  cycle 2  that it wasn't our month. I could just tell. This month though, I'm trying to stay positive. I'm really praying and hoping that this will be the month. I really want it to be.

I feel frustrated and worried. I'm not sure why I'm not pregnant yet. I've been off birth control for 6 months. I know I'm ovulating and I know when I ovulate. We time everything right. I know I need to have faith and keep reminding myself that God is in control. But it's hard.

It's also hard when everyone in our families has gotten pregnant the first month. I really thought I would be the same. Now that I'm not, I wish no one knew about us ttc. It would make it so much easier.

I'm trying to stay positive. Third time's a charm... right?

On to month #2

Well, I didn't get pregnant this month. About a week before my period, I knew I wasn't pregnant. I could just tell. I knew my period was coming, but I didn't expect to feel so sad when it finally did. I'm not sure it helped that it was meet the teacher night at my school. I ran to the restroom right before they opened the doors and that's when I found out that August wasn't our month. I started tearing up and had to pull it together fast because my first graders were coming down the hall. I guess the good thing is it kept my mind off of it for a few hours.

I'm so glad to be back at work... mainly because it will keep my mind busy. I won't have time to think about ttc so much now. The only hard part is that two of my teacher friends found out they were pregnant a few days before my period came. : ( I hate feeling sad when I should be happy for them. I am happy for them, but I also feel jealous. I'm not used to this feeling of jealousy... so not my personality.

I was really emotional this week. Huge stresses at work have put me over the edge between team teaching this year, a new, first year teaching partner, new principal, dealing with the organization of having a switch class, and having 26 first graders on my roll... Let's just say I was overwhelmed. Then getting my period and being so emotional from my hormones. My husband has been so sweet. He kept reminding me that it doesn't matter when we get pregnant, the goal is a baby and it will happen eventually and be well worth the wait!

I'm doing much better this week and looking forward to trying again in a few weeks. I'm feeling a lot more laid back and really not counting days or worrying about it. I think the first month had too much anticipation. I'm trusting in God and his perfect timing.

I'm going crazy.

I've done so good with this two week wait thing. Until today.... omg! I'm going nuts! The past few days are dragging by... I just want to know already!!!!! Every little cramp makes me thing I'm pregnant. Then, when I feel nothing for several hours and start to think I'm not, then here come the cramps again. 

Today is 7 dpo (7 days past ovulation). I still haven't decided when I'll test. I was going to on Saturday or Sunday (10 dpo) but we are going to the in-laws for the night. I start back to work on Monday. 

 This is harder than I thought. I'm praying for patience yall.

The 2 week wait...

Our first month of baby making is well underway! My last post, I was frustrated with my really late period and mad because it made our planned baby making trip (which should have been around ovulation time) not a baby making trip after all. Just a relax by the pool trip. Which now, I'm thinking is even better. We had such a fun time, there was no stress or worry about drinking. I had a few drinks every day and didn't feel bad about it.

We got back from our trip on a Sunday and for the past week, have had lots of fun! ; ) (Just for my record: days 11, 14, 16, 17, 18)  I got a positive OPK on Wednesday afternoon (day 16) So, I'm hoping we were able to time things pretty well. My OPK's turn positive 12-36 hours before ovulation. I'm saying that I ovulated on day 17... 24 hours after the positive OPK I had a few ovulation pains.

My plan is to try to stay really busy the next two weeks. This will be my last week of summer. I'm hoping to spend some time with my niece and nephew and go swimming/shopping with the kids and my sister.

Today is day 19. My cycles are 30 days long. I would be due for the terrible aunt flow on august 22. So I could test 5 days before that... But what I really want is to wait until August 24 on my birthday. How awesome would it be to get a positive test on my birthday? But then I think if it's negative, it would probably ruin my day.

What do you guys think I should do? Test early or on my birthday?